FANFIC: All The Way To Paris by Caroline Crane 4/4

Posted with permission from the author. See notes in sidebar.
Title: All the Way to Paris by Caroline Crane
Rating: NC17 (See happy reading in sidebar!)
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Summary: This is an AU that starts at the end of season three and then breaks off from canon. If you've read "Four Things That Never Happened to Greg Sanders" the beginning will seem familiar -- it starts with one of the four AU storylines from that fic and then explores what could have happened if the show had ever dealt with the lasting effects of Greg's injuries.

Chapters:part 01 part 02 part 03 part 04
An additon to this universe - August 2008: Yesterday's Notions

Part Four

His hands hadn't trembled once since Nick showed up, but now that they were sitting across from each other in a public place and Nick was looking at him with that intense, determined expression Greg felt like his whole body was shaking. He felt like he might fly apart just from the weight of Nick's gaze, even though he knew it wasn't physically possible. There was a first time for everything, after all, and if working at the crime lab had taught him anything, it was to expect the unexpected.

They'd managed to avoid the conversation Greg knew was coming for most of Saturday. They'd even managed to leave the apartment long enough for Greg to give Nick a tour of campus, and eventually they found themselves in a booth at the back of a diner not far from Greg's place. He knew they were going to have to talk – that was the whole reason Nick had flown to California in the first place – but he wasn't looking forward to it, and he'd been hoping to avoid it at least until tomorrow.

He waited until the waitress took their order and walked away, watching out of the corner of his eye until he was sure she was gone. "I think she likes you."

"Who?"

"The waitress, what's her name? Debbie? Donna?" And okay, they both knew he was just putting off the inevitable, but Nick couldn't blame him for trying. They still had another whole day together before Nick had to go back to Vegas, and as far as he was concerned conversation could wait.

"I wasn't listening," Nick answered. "Anyway, she's not my type."

"What's wrong with her?" Greg asked, glancing toward the front of the restaurant in time to catch her looking over at them. "Too short? Too blonde. It's not because she waits tables, is it?"

Nick laughed and reached across the table, catching Greg's hand and threading their fingers together. It wasn't the first time he'd ever touched Greg in front of other people – there had been plenty of seemingly innocent touches when they were still working together, and then there was the whole making out in the airport parking lot thing. That had taken Greg by surprise; he'd always figured Nick for the private type, but holding hands in a public restaurant definitely wasn't discreet.

"She's not you, for one thing."

He was tempted to make a joke about Nick's hidden romantic side, but there was a part of him that worried if he made fun of it Nick would stop. He might even let go of Greg's hand, and even though he'd never admit it, he kind of liked the fact that Nick was willing to touch him in front of other people. It made him wonder if things would be different if they were still in Vegas. He'd never know for sure how they would have juggled work and a personal life if he'd stayed, but then again, if he'd stayed Nick might never have gotten around to doing anything about the way he felt.

"Look, G, there are some things I need to say."

And he'd known this was coming, but it still made his stomach clench to hear Nick say the words. He wasn't even sure what he was so nervous about; he knew what Nick was going to say, and he knew it wasn't going to change anything. If he thought it would work he'd cut Nick off, tell him he already knew and there was no point in saying it out loud. But this was the whole point of the weekend, so instead he just pulled his hand out of Nick's and nodded.

"I know you don't want to talk about going back to Vegas. I know…no, just hear me out," he said when Greg opened his mouth to interrupt. "I want this to work, and I think you do too. If we have to do this long-distance until you're ready I'll live with it. But you can't expect me to stop wanting you around."

"So you're just going to hang around and wait for me to decide I can't live without you." He hadn't really meant the words to come out like that, but he didn't want to take them back. It was the truth; Nick did expect him to change his mind and go running back to Vegas eventually, and the only real question was how long he was willing to wait.

"That's not what I meant," Nick answered, but they both knew it was. "I love you. I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

He'd expected hearing the words out loud to make him feel different somehow, but they didn't change anything. They were still stuck in an impossible situation, and unless Greg gave in and moved back to Vegas he didn't see how it was going to change.

"So I'm supposed to grovel to Grissom for my job just on the off chance things work out with us? What happens if they don't?" Guilt shot through him when Nick winced and looked away; he knew this wasn't how Nick had been expecting this conversation to go, and part of him wanted to take it all back. He wanted to forget about the logistics and just enjoy the fact that Nick loved him, but he knew that as soon as Nick was back in Vegas their problems would start all over again.

"Look," he said, reaching out to brush his fingers across Nick's knuckles, "I'm just saying 'what if'. You can't say for sure that you'll still want me around in a year."

When Greg touched him Nick looked at him again, his mouth set in a determined line and just for a second Greg wanted to agree to whatever Nick asked. "We've known each other for five years. I'm sure."

He wanted to believe it; it was easy when Nick looked so sure, so determined to convince Greg that this was what he wanted. But that didn't change the fact that it had taken Greg leaving town for Nick to do anything about the way he felt, and it didn't change the fact that Greg had just signed a lease and started living his life again.

"Look," Nick said when Greg didn't answer, his hand closing over Greg's again to squeeze gently before he let go, "we don't have to decide anything now. I just wanted you to know that I'm not screwing around here."

Nick leaned back in the booth and smiled, but even though he was trying not to show it Greg caught the hint of worry in his expression. Guilt shot through him and he wished suddenly that he'd just said 'I love you too' and kept his mouth shut about the future, but it was too late for that now. He'd missed his moment, and now they were going to spend the rest of the weekend with this conversation hanging over them. He knew they'd both try to ignore it, to pretend nothing had changed and they were still working it out, but it would still be there between them.

Just a few months ago he would have given anything to hear Nick say he wanted Greg, let alone that he loved him. There was a time when he would have settled for casual, because he'd always assumed that was what Nick was about. Everybody at the lab always joked about Nick's commitment issues and Greg had never expected to be the exception to that rule. Now that he was…now that Nick was offering an actual commitment Greg wasn't sure he could believe it. He wasn't even sure he wanted it, because saying yes meant giving in and going back to a life he'd already left behind.

~

Nick’s hands slid down Greg's back, thumbs pressing along either side of his spine until he found that spot that made Greg gasp and arch back into his touch. His mouth followed the path of his hands, soft kisses followed by gentle nips that made Greg shudder against him. He was taking his time, methodically mapping every inch of Greg, and he’d never admit it, but they both knew exactly what he was doing.

He didn’t want to believe that this was it, that he’d never get another chance to touch Greg or kiss him or even say those words he hadn’t said to anyone since college. Neither of them wanted to admit that this might be the last time, but still Nick was committing every touch, every breath and every contented murmur to memory. He just wanted to hold on to these few days together because he didn't know when it would happen again. It didn't mean this was the end, but he'd used up all his vacation time and if Greg wouldn't come to Vegas it might be awhile before they saw each other.

It wasn't the end of anything – Nick didn't want it to be, and he knew Greg didn't either. If he did Nick wouldn't be in his bed right now, kissing a hot trail down the side of his hip. He was the one who'd called Nick, after all, when Nick had finally decided to take a hint and give up on Greg entirely. And maybe he would have changed his mind eventually and called Greg himself, but he hadn't and that meant something. It meant Greg wanted this as much as Nick did, that he didn't want to let it go no matter how hard it was to work out the logistics.

They hadn't talked about it since their conversation in the diner. They hadn't talked about much of anything since they made it back to Greg's apartment, not about what they were doing or where they went from here or even what to do with the rest of their time together. It was Sunday night already and they'd barely gotten out of bed all day – they hadn't talked about that either, but they both knew Nick would be going home tomorrow and somehow they'd agreed not to waste any time without ever saying it out loud.

His hand slid between Greg's thighs, thumb stroking the taut skin just behind Greg's balls. Greg gasped and splayed his legs apart, pushing his hips up until Nick's thumb pressed inside him. And that wasn't the sign of somebody who didn't want this, of someone who was just biding his time until Nick was out of his life. No, this was Greg wanting him -- wanting Nick and nobody else. He'd already admitted that he wasn't seeing anybody else, and Nick wanted that to mean that there was still a chance he'd change his mind about Vegas.

He wanted to believe a lot of things – that Greg loved him too, that this thing between them meant more to Greg than his pride. He wanted to believe that Greg would change his mind eventually, and yeah, maybe he was just waiting for the day that Greg would decide he couldn't live without Nick. Nick didn't really think that was so much to ask, especially when he already knew he didn't want to live without Greg.

Greg shifted under him and let out a low moan, pushing back against his hand hard enough to get Nick's attention. Nick knew what he was asking for, but he wanted to make it last as long as he could. He wanted to draw this out all night if possible, or maybe just make Greg want it so much that he was begging by the time Nick finally slid inside him. That thought made his cock twitch, but he ignored his own need and pulled his hand away from Greg, leaning over him to press his mouth to the side of Greg's neck.

He licked a path along hot skin, pausing to press another kiss to the top of Greg's shoulder before he moved down his back. It had taken him awhile during that first weekend to get used to the sight of Greg's scars; he'd spent too much time tracing them with his fingers, reassuring himself over and over that Greg was fine. Now they were just another part of Greg, just something else for Nick to remember when he was on the plane headed home.

His heart caught in his throat at the thought, but he swallowed hard and did his best to ignore it, focusing all his attention on the warm expanse of skin underneath him. He'd never get tired of watching Greg shift restlessly under his touch, always pressing back for more even when Nick's hands gripped his hips to hold him to the mattress. He loved just watching Greg move – he never realized just how much until he couldn't see Greg every day at work, and now that he'd seen Greg like this he couldn't imagine going back to not knowing.

It was impossible, because even if he wanted to forget he knew he wouldn't be able to. No matter what Greg decided Nick wasn't going to stop wanting him, wanting him around and wondering what he could have done to keep things from getting this far out of control. He wasn't really blaming himself – not anymore – but he couldn't stop himself from feeling sort of…helpless. It should have been easy to fix their problems, but so far Greg had shot down every idea Nick came up with, and he wasn't sure what else to do.

Greg shifted under him again, pushing back and then turning in Nick's grip until they were face to face. Just for a second Nick could see everything Greg hadn't said in his eyes, then he reached up and pulled Nick down for a hard kiss, and Nick could feel what he wasn't saying.

"Love you," he murmured against Greg's mouth, the sound lost in the kiss as Greg rocked up against him, hands gripping him hard enough to bruise as he struggled to pull Nick closer. And just like that all his plans to take it slow were forgotten; it was all he could do to hold on long enough to reach for a condom before he was kneeling between Greg's legs, hands under his hips to line them up before he slid inside. He'd lost count of how many times they'd done this, but he still had to struggle to catch his breath when Greg's legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him in even further.

He choked back a harsh moan and started moving, hands braced against the mattress on either side of Greg's chest. Greg surged up to meet each thrust, his head back and his lips parted and God, Nick was never going to be able to leave. He couldn't get on that plane knowing that as soon as he was gone Greg would start looking for ways to talk himself out of this. He couldn't just leave, not when they hadn't really settled anything.

So far all they'd really proven was that they were compatible in bed, and that didn't prove that they'd be good together for the long haul. It felt like enough, though, and Nick knew plenty of people who'd based relationships on a lot less. He couldn't remember ever wanting anything to work as much as he wanted this, anyway, and that had to count for something.

Way too soon he was panting and thrusting harder, Greg's voice in his ear urging him to move faster and faster until all he could hear was the blood pounding against his eardrums. He wasn't sure which of them lost control first, but when he tensed and buried himself deep inside Greg he felt wet heat hit his chest and then Greg's arms on his back to pull him close. He turned his face into Greg's neck, pressing breathless, almost desperate kisses to sweat-slick skin.

A hand slid through his hair, tightening just enough to pull him up until he was facing Greg. For a second he thought Greg might actually say some of the things he'd been avoiding since yesterday, but a second later he surged up to press their lips together again. Nick told himself it was okay. He didn't need to hear the words – he already knew how Greg felt, and hearing it out loud wouldn't really make a difference.

"I'm not giving up," he said when Greg let him up for air. As soon as he said it he wondered if he was pushing too hard again, but they didn't have much time left and he couldn't go home without something.

"I know." Nick expected him to sound annoyed, maybe even a little angry, but instead Greg just sounded resigned. "I know how stubborn you are."

Nick grinned at that, reaching up to push a few damp strands of hair away from Greg's forehead. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

"Well it can get kind of annoying," Greg answered, the corners of his mouth twitching with a barely suppressed grin, "but I've had a few years to get used to it."

Nick rolled his eyes and shifted until he was lying on his side next to Greg, their shoulders pressed together and the mess on his stomach starting to dry. He knew he should get up and wash up a little, but the last thing he wanted to do was get out of Greg's bed. "I thought it was part of my charm."

"Depends who you ask."

He glanced over to find Greg smiling, all traces of tension gone for the first time since Nick got off the plane. His heart clenched hard in his chest and for a second he couldn't move – he couldn't speak or do anything, then Greg leaned in and kissed him again and suddenly it didn't matter if he never remembered how to breathe. This was all he needed, right here in this crappy apartment in a city he'd barely even seen. He just had to find a way to make Greg see it too.

~

I'm not giving up. The words had been playing over and over in his head since Nick said them, that low, determined voice whispering in his ear even after Nick was gone. He knew Nick meant it – there was no doubt about that, just like there was no doubt in his mind that it wouldn't work. It couldn't, because they'd spent almost four days together and they hadn't come up with a solution to their biggest problem.

He knew Nick wanted to stay together, but as far as Nick was concerned that meant Greg giving in and moving back to Vegas. And he could keep saying he believed Greg when he said he wasn't going to change his mind, but they both knew it was a lie. Nick was just waiting him out, waiting for Greg to give in and turn his whole life on end again just to make Nick happy.

There was a part of him that wanted to give in. It made sense – they'd met in Vegas, Nick's career was there and Greg could find another job if he went back. There was always the University of Nevada, and once or twice when things were slow at work he'd caught himself surfing the job openings on the UNLV web site. As soon as he realized what he was doing he made himself stop, reminded himself of all the reasons he'd moved back to California and why it was a bad idea to go running back to Nick.

It was flattering, knowing how much Nick wanted him, and when he kissed Greg and said 'I love you' it was hard to remember why he wasn't giving in. Even harder was stopping himself from asking Nick to stay when they got to the airport, telling him to forget Vegas and his job and stay with Greg. If they could make it work they could make it work anywhere, but he knew the answer he'd get if he asked. And maybe that made him a coward, but he didn't want to hear Nick say no. He didn't want to hear the lame excuses about Nick's career or the promotion he'd put in for, he didn't want to listen to Nick call Vegas 'home' or try to justify why his job was more important than Greg.

And that was what it came down to in the end – he'd be giving Nick a choice, and he knew exactly what Nick would choose. Love…love was one thing, but Nick had put his career first since the moment Greg met him, and he knew that wasn't going to change because of him. He could have said 'I love you' and 'don't leave' and a hundred other things that would have left him feeling needy and pathetic, but in the end Nick would have left anyway, and Greg would have regretted every single word.

So he'd kept his mouth shut and let Nick kiss him goodbye, and he hadn't gone after Nick when he got out of Greg's car and walked into the airport. He'd even managed to smile and wave when Nick stopped to look back at him, and if it looked like maybe Nick was waiting for Greg to stop him, it only lasted a second before Nick turned and walked away. By the time he was back on the highway he'd almost managed to convince himself he'd imagined it, and by the time he was back in his apartment he knew what he had to do.

It wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't what either of them wanted; he knew exactly how Nick was going to react, and just the thought of never touching Nick again was almost enough to make him change his mind. If he just hung in there for a little while, just pretended he really believed they could make a long-distance relationship work…but all that would buy him was a little more time, another weekend or two of Nick in his bed and every time Nick went home they'd be right back where they started.

And maybe if he'd never left Vegas casual sex with Nick would have been enough, but he wasn't in Vegas anymore and the two weekends they'd spent together so far were way more intense than he'd ever expected. He'd never expected Nick Stokes to fall in love with him, though, no more than he'd expected to fall in love with Nick.

So it was better this way, because making a clean break now meant they could both go back to their lives without any unrealistic expectations for some future that was never going to happen. He believed that – mostly – but his heart was still in his throat as he waited for the phone to ring, and when it finally did he had to force himself to pick up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hey."

He could hear the smile in Nick's voice, sending warmth straight to the pit of his stomach and God, he was never going to be able to do this. Only he had to, because he knew Nick wouldn't. "Hey. How was your flight?"

"Beats me," Nick answered, his voice low and intimate in Greg's ear, and if he closed his eyes he knew he'd be able to feel Nick's breath on his skin. "I slept through pretty much the whole thing."

It was strange how easily he could picture Nick on the other end of the line, his bag probably still sitting just inside his front door and his shirt wrinkled from sleeping on the plane. He knew Nick better than he ever thought he would – better than he wanted to, because it made starting this conversation a lot harder than it should be. All he had to do was tell Nick it was over, that he'd thought about it and it wasn't going to work, and that would be it. He knew Nick would be mad, but eventually he'd get over it and when he did, he'd see that Greg was right.

"You're working tonight?" he said instead, rolling his eyes at himself at the stupid question. He already knew Nick was working tonight – if he wasn't on tonight he wouldn't have left L.A. until Tuesday.

"Yeah," Nick answered, "but I've got a couple hours before I have to be at the lab. Enough time for a shower and maybe a quick nap."

And picturing Nick asleep in his own bed wasn't helping at all, especially when Greg knew exactly why Nick was so tired. He could still feel it in his own stiff muscles, still remember the glide of Nick's hands on his skin and his mouth pressed hard against Greg's. It would be a long time before he forgot any of it, but wanting Nick didn't change the fact that they didn't have a future.

"Look, Nick," he said, forcing the words out before he had a chance to change his mind. He needed to do this now, because if he let it go – if he told himself Nick needed to get some rest and put it off until later – the chances were he'd never do it at all. "We need to talk."

He could almost see Nick tense on the other end of the line, the sharp, barely audible intake of breath and the sudden change in Nick's voice telling him everything he needed to know. "About what?"

"About this. Us. Whatever we're doing."

"I thought we already settled all that," Nick said, defensive now, and Greg swallowed the swell of guilt. But Nick wasn't stupid, and no matter how good he was at denial he had to know this was coming eventually.

"We didn't settle anything," Greg answered, fighting to keep the exasperation from creeping into his voice. He knew it would just start an argument, and he wanted to get this out before they started yelling at each other. "Come on, Nick, you know this can't work."

"What are you talking about? Just a few hours ago you seemed to think it could work just fine."

"Yeah, well, I've had some time to think about it."

"Four hours. I've been gone four hours and you decided our whole relationship is a wash? Do I even get a say in this?"

And now he wasn't even trying to stay calm, because Nick was already angry and part of Greg resented having to be the one to be realistic about the situation. "Jesus, Nick, what do you want me to do? Wait around until you get tired of using all your vacation time to come out here? You're still expecting me to change my mind and go running back to Vegas."

"You're right." Nick had never been any good at hiding his emotions, and Greg could hear all the anger and confusion in his voice. He didn't want to listen anymore – he didn't want to hear it and know he'd put that hurt there. He didn't want any of this, not the memories or the knowledge of what could have been if he'd just stayed in Vegas a few more months. "You're right, I want you back here. Can you blame me? You haven't given me one good reason why you won't think about it. I love you, G, and I know you love me too. So what's the problem?"

The problem was that Nick kept saying he was willing to do anything, but never once had he even considered giving up his job to be with Greg. It was a lot to ask, but Nick had been asking him to do the exact same thing for months, and he didn't seem to think it was too much to hope for. Greg couldn't bring himself to say any of that to Nick, though, because if he did and Nick agreed he'd never know if Nick was there because he wanted to be or if he'd just felt like he owed it to Greg.

He wanted too much – he wanted everything Nick wanted and more, and he was terrified to ask for any of it because he already knew what the answer would be.

"Look," he said, working hard to keep his voice even, "we had a good time and we both got what we wanted. So let's just…save ourselves the complications."

"The complications." Nick laughed, bitter and mirthless and Greg swallowed a fresh rush of regret. "Maybe you got what you wanted, but I sure as hell didn't. What have we been doing here?"

"Getting it out of our systems." And he'd expected this to be hard, but he'd never expected it to physically hurt to say the words. "Look, Nick, I'm sorry…"

"Don't," Nick interrupted, his voice thicker now and colder than Greg had ever heard it. "Don't try to pretend this was just sex because you're too much of a coward to deal with it."

"I'm not a coward," Greg shot back, anger flaring up to edge out the guilt that had settled heavy in his chest. "I'm trying to be realistic here."

"You keep telling yourself that, G. Maybe someday you'll even believe it."

A second later the line clicked and Greg's heart plummeted into his stomach. He wasn't surprised that Nick hung up on him – it was a lot better than some of the endings he'd dreamed up to this particular conversation. It was over, and that was the important thing, because it didn't matter what Nick wanted or even what he wanted. The point was that they wanted the same thing, but they wanted it on different terms, and he couldn't just ignore it and pretend it would all work itself out eventually. Maybe Nick could live that way, but Greg didn't even want to try.

~

For days Nick was so angry he couldn't even think about Greg without wanting to break something. He managed to keep his temper mostly in check at work by focusing on the job, but his house was a different story. There were a few broken dishes and a new hole in the wall of his bedroom to remind him of just how much this was affecting him, and if he didn't find a way to get past it soon he was going to have to start eating off plastic.

Every morning when he got home he picked up the phone, then slammed it back down again when he realized what he was doing. He wasn't going to call Greg and beg him to come back. He wasn't going to keep banging his head against the same brick wall; Greg had made it pretty clear that he didn't even want to try, and if that was how he felt Nick wasn't going to try to change his mind. There was no point, because Greg was just as stubborn as Nick when he wanted to be, and it was pretty obvious that he'd made up his mind.

So he didn't want to move back to Vegas. Nick could deal with that – he didn't like it, but he wasn't going to force Greg to do something he didn't want to do. There were other options, things he'd just started to think through when Greg told him it was over. At the time he'd been so blindsided by Greg's determination that he hadn't brought up any of the alternatives he'd thought of so far, and now…now he wasn't sure it was worth trying.

Maybe he should have seen it coming. Maybe he should have taken the hint when Greg never said a word about how he felt. He let Nick talk as much as he wanted, but he never said anything back and that probably should have been a clue that he wasn't in it for the long haul. Maybe it really was just sex for him, but even as he thought it Nick knew it wasn't true. He'd been there when Greg kissed him, seen the look in his eyes when he pulled Nick close and all the words he was holding back when Nick kissed him one last time in his car.

Greg wanted this, maybe just as much as Nick did, but he pushed Nick away anyway and that was the part Nick didn't understand. It didn't make any sense, because if they loved each other they should be able to find a way to make it work. He couldn't make it work on his own, though, and if Greg wouldn't even admit he wanted this then Nick wasn't sure what else to do.

He reached the break room and pushed the door open too hard, letting it swing shut behind him as he made his way to the coffee pot and grabbed a cup, stopping just short of crushing the paper in his grip. And even the coffee was all wrong now that Greg wasn't around anymore – Nick had just spent three days drinking Greg's expensive coffee, and he'd nearly forgotten how much he liked it until he had to come back to the Folgers provided by the county.

"Okay, what gives?"

He started at the sound of Catherine's voice, glancing over his shoulder and noticing for the first time that he wasn't alone in the room. She was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in front of her and some case files stacked next to it. She wasn't working on the files, though – in fact, she was leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest, watching Nick as though she was waiting for him to explode.

"What?"

"Come on, Nick. Everybody knows where you went last weekend, and it's pretty obvious from the way you've been storming around here that it didn't go the way you were hoping. You want to talk about it?"

And sometimes he hated being such an open book, because it meant he couldn't keep anything from the people who saw him every day. Most of them knew better than to ask him about it, but Catherine wasn't just anybody. She had a bad habit of calling him on his moods, and he knew she wasn't going to let it go until he told her something.

"Not really," he answered, taking a sip of weak coffee and cringing before he put the cup down on the counter next to him.

Catherine sighed and shook her head, just looking at him for a few long moments before she spoke again. "Well you better talk to somebody, because it's starting to affect your job, and that affects me."

He wanted to laugh at that, because it just figured she'd find a way to make this about her. If it wasn't for her and that stupid exploding sample…but he wasn't going down that road again, because it never got him anywhere. "You don't want to hear it, trust me."

"Try me."

It was no secret around the lab that he and Greg were involved; most people talked about it behind his back, but he knew the word had spread a long time ago. Catherine was the only one who'd ever asked him about it directly, though, and if she wanted to know maybe telling her wouldn't hurt. At least he'd be able to say it out loud, maybe work out some of it so he wouldn't feel the need to go home and start breaking furniture. "Okay. The trip was fine – more than fine, it was great. Then I got back and called Greg and he broke it off."

"He waited until you got home to break up with you?"

"Yeah," Nick answered, letting out a mirthless chuckle at her expression. "He couldn't do it to my face, he knew I'd just talk him out of it."

"So why didn't you talk him out of it over the phone?"

Nick shrugged and picked up his coffee again, lifting the cup all the way to his lips before he remembered and set it back down again. "Because I was mad. I wasn't thinking straight, I guess. He's just so damn stubborn. You know he won't even think about coming back here? When I ask why he won't give me a straight answer, but he thinks that means there's no hope for us."

The shock in her features faded into something a little too close to pity for Nick's comfort. "I hate to say it, but he's got a point. If neither of you is willing to budge…I've never done the long distance thing, but I hear it's not much fun."

"I told him I'd do whatever it takes," Nick answered a little too emphatically. When he heard the sound of his own voice he sighed, reminding himself he wasn't arguing with Greg. He didn't have to convince Catherine of anything, and yelling at her about it wasn't going to do any good. "He won't tell me what he wants me to do."

"Wow. I mean I knew you and Greg were…" She trailed off and gestured vaguely in his direction, and Nick tried to ignore the surge of anger that came along with the fact that she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Catherine was the last person he ever expected to be shy about sex, but they'd never talked about him and another guy before. "I didn't know it had gotten serious enough for you to be thinking about moving in together. That is what you're talking about, right? Greg moving back here to live with you?"

He shrugged, suddenly self-conscious about telling anybody but Greg how he felt. "That's one option, yeah, but it's not the only one."

She wasn't trying to hide her surprise; Nick didn't really expect her to, because he'd known Catherine long enough to know she'd speak her mind even if it wasn't any of her business. Still, she seemed more surprised that Nick could actually be serious about somebody than that he was serious about Greg in particular. It shouldn't have made him feel better, but for some reason it did.

"Are you thinking about leaving Vegas?"

"No," he answered automatically. It wasn't entirely true; he'd considered the possibility, but Greg hadn't asked him to move to L.A. and there was a part of Nick that was afraid that meant Greg didn't want him there. He hadn't brought it up while they were together because he hadn't wanted to make Greg feel obligated to say yes, but now he was starting to think that was a mistake. Maybe if Greg knew exactly how serious he was...but it was too late for that now. "Even if I was, it doesn't matter anymore. He made it pretty clear that it's over."

"That doesn't sound like the Greg I know."

"What are you talking about?"

Catherine shrugged and stood up, picking up her coffee cup and tossing it in the trash before she turned back to Nick. "Look, I only know what I saw while he was still working here, but it was pretty obvious even back then that he had it bad. The way he watched you during meetings, the way he always came up with information to help out with your cases first…he's not the kind of guy who just gives up. If he was he would have given up on you a year ago."

"Yeah, well, he's changed a lot since the accident."

"Maybe." She picked up her files and crossed to the door, pausing when she reached it and glancing back at him. "But maybe he just needs to hear just how far you're willing to go."

"I told him…"

"I know what you told him, Nick. Some people just need to be hit over the head with it, you know?"

One last smile and she was gone, leaving him alone with a cup of cold coffee and a hard knot in the pit of his stomach. It seemed now that he was the last person to notice that Greg had feelings for him, and if he'd missed something as big as that, maybe he was missing something else important. Maybe she was right and he should have told Greg exactly how far he was willing to go to make sure they had a shot…but Greg had made up his mind, and Nick knew it would take something huge to change it.

~

He still wasn't sure how he'd gotten to this point. Just a few months ago his life had been pretty much perfect – great job, lots of friends and his own place in the biggest party city in the country. Living in Vegas had been fun for awhile, but he didn't really regret giving any of it up, and if it wasn't for Nick he probably would have stopped thinking about it a long time ago.

A few nights with Nick shouldn't have changed anything. A few well-chosen words and some really good sex shouldn't have been enough to make it impossible to forget, but three weeks later he was still thinking about it. He thought about it all the time, and he still hadn't figured out what he regretted more: ending it, or ever starting it in the first place. If he'd known what it would be like with Nick…but if he'd known there was no way he would have been able to say no, even if he'd known how it would end.

It wasn't the first time he'd ever screwed up a relationship. It wasn't even the worst mess he'd ever made, but it felt like it, and he had a feeling that had something to do with how much he still wanted Nick. Regret didn't even begin to cover it – this was a constant weight in the center of his chest, a knot in his stomach and a trembling in his hands that he'd thought he was finally done with.

He was a mess, and even though nobody had said anything yet he knew it was coming. He'd broken a couple test tubes in the lab, and every time he went home his mother gave him that look that let him know she was worried but she didn't want to say anything. She'd stopped asking him about Nick a couple weeks ago – at first he was relieved, but it turned out that never even hearing his name was even harder than having to come up with new and increasingly vague answers for why they weren't talking.

That was why he was here tonight, sitting in a dark, noisy club with Steve on one side of him and some guy from the Sociology Department on the other. If he'd known when Steve said 'hey, let's go grab a beer after work' that he meant 'I know this guy', Greg would have said no. He would have gone straight home to spend the night staring at the TV and telling himself he wasn't pining. It had become sort of a ritual, and he was mostly okay with it.

Steve had known him for a long time, though, so Greg didn't figure out he was actually on a date until they'd ordered a round of drinks and some guy he'd never seen before slid onto the chair next to him. And he was cute in a college professor kind of way, so maybe if Greg wasn't head over heels for somebody else he wouldn't have spent the whole night comparing this new guy to Nick. He wouldn't have found fault in the way the guy smiled or the sound of his laugh, he wouldn't have thought his clothes were too conservative and his hair just a little too long.

He might even have liked the guy if it wasn't for Nick…but that was starting to become a recurring theme, and he didn't know what to do about it. Killing Steve for blindsiding him was one option; he knew he wasn't much fun to be around lately, but it still bothered him that his friend assumed that just because the sociology professor was gay and Greg liked guys that they'd be perfect for each other. As far as he could tell that was the only thing they had in common – granted, it was hard to make conversation in a noisy bar on a Thursday night, but so far the guy had spent most of the evening trading Stupid Freshman stories with Steve.

It made Greg feel more like a third wheel than a guy on a blind date. In fact, if he didn't know Steve was straight he'd think they were perfect for each other. So he didn't really feel all that guilty when he finished his second beer and stood up, dropping a few bills on the table before shouting an excuse over the bar noise and leaving Steve and his professor to their conversation.

He was barely out the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he swallowed a sigh and turned to face his friend. It didn't surprise him that Steve had followed him out of the bar, but the last thing he wanted to do was explain why he couldn't sit at that table for another minute. And Steve looked mad, but he didn't have a right to be. Greg hadn't asked to be set up – he hadn't even agreed to the date in the first place.

"Greg, man, what gives? You don't just blow a guy off like that."

Greg rolled his eyes and reached into his pocket for his keys. "I'm not blowing anybody off. You asked him out, not me. Besides, you guys seem to be having a pretty good time without me."

"Come on, if you'd open your damn mouth I wouldn't have to hold up your end of the conversation. He's a nice guy, what's the problem?"

"The problem…" Greg trailed off, not bothering to check his frustrated sigh this time. "Look, just because he likes guys and I like guys doesn't mean we're meant for each other. I'm sure he's great, but I'm just not interested."

"This is about that guy in Vegas, isn't it?" Steve shook his head when Greg opened his mouth to argue. "Man, why didn't you just tell me you were serious about the guy? I thought you said it was practically over."

"It's complicated," Greg answered, but he didn't need to see Steve's frown to know how lame that sounded. There was no way to explain this thing with Nick to an outsider, though, not when Greg didn't really understand it himself. "Look, I'm sorry about…what's his name?"

"Eric," Steve said, his features finally relaxing into a grin. "Don't worry about it, I'll think of something to tell him. But seriously, what's the deal with this mystery guy of yours?"

"There's no deal. It's over," Greg said, ignoring the way his throat tightened around the words. "It has been for awhile."

"Yeah, right. Don't bullshit me, man, I've known you too long."

"I'm not. There's really nothing to tell." It wasn't exactly true, but he wasn't going to stand on the sidewalk outside some trendy college bar and pour out his heart to anybody, not even one of his oldest friends. He didn't want to talk about it – he didn't even want to think about it, he just wanted to go home and forget this whole night had ever happened.

Whether Steve believed him or just figured out he wasn't getting an actual answer Greg didn't know, but he finally let Greg go with a promise to give him a call over the weekend. And he would have laughed at the fact that Steve was stuck on a date with a guy, but he felt too guilty about it to see the humor in the situation. He should have been able to get through a few drinks with the guy, even if he wasn't interested. But just sitting there knowing he was on a date – sort of, anyway – made him feel like he was betraying Nick.

And it was stupid, because he didn't owe Nick anything. They were over, he'd ended it and Nick had made it pretty clear that he didn't have any intention of trying to change Greg's mind. He hadn't called, hadn't even tried to get in touch with Greg even to see how he was doing. Not that Greg had really expected him to – maybe he hoped, just a little, but he couldn't really expect Nick to come chasing after him. He probably wouldn't have, not if Nick had said to him the things he'd said to Nick. He didn't have a right to expect Nick to want him after that, didn't have a right to want to pick up the phone and call just to hear that voice one more time.

But Nick was supposed to love him, and if he really loved Greg like he said he did he wouldn't just stop because of a few words. He was probably still pissed, yeah, but Nick was a forgiving guy and eventually he'd get over it. He'd probably be glad to hear from Greg, just so he could gloat about the fact that he was right. All he'd had to do was sit back and wait for Greg to realize he couldn't live without Nick, that he didn't want to give up what they had even if it meant picking up and moving back to Vegas.

It wasn't the first time he'd thought about it, but it was the first time he'd really considered doing something about it. The question was what to do – he could call Grissom and talk to him about a job, but his hands were still a problem and there was no way he could lie his way around that. There was still the University of Nevada; he'd read a couple job postings for lab techs in the Biology department – it wasn't his specialty, but it was a job and it was in the right city. That still left him and Nick on opposite schedules, though, and he wasn't sure Nick would be willing to transfer to the day shift even if Greg moved back to Vegas.

By the time he'd walked the few blocks to his apartment he had the whole thing worked out, from quitting his job to breaking the news to his parents to the conditions Nick would have to agree to. His hand gripped his keys tight, the other in his pocket to stave off the worst of the shaking. And he grinned when he reached the sidewalk in front of his apartment building, because if this was a movie he'd walk up the stairs to find Nick waiting in front of his door. Only it wasn't a movie, and he was only a little disappointed to find nothing waiting for him but a flyer for some new restaurant down the street.

It wasn't until he'd let himself inside and turned the lights on that the reality of what he was thinking about started to sink in, and his stomach pitched a little as he slid his jacket off and dropped his keys on the kitchen counter. He had no idea what to do – did he call Nick and say 'I'm an idiot' and 'you were right' and hope that Nick still wanted to hear it? Then again, it was all true, so even if Nick didn't want to hear it Greg needed to say it.

He reached for the phone and dialed Nick's number, fingers trembling against the receiver as he waited for the line to connect. When it finally did he heard Nick's voice, just a recording but close enough to the real thing to make Greg's heart skip a beat. He listened to the entire recording before he hung up without leaving a message. He was about to dial Nick's cell phone number when a loud knock on his door interrupted him, and he scowled and gripped the receiver as he crossed the living room and unlocked the door.

"Look, Steve…" he began as he pulled the door open, expecting to find his friend about to launch into one last effort to change his mind. Only it wasn't Steve standing in his doorway, one hand raised as though he was about to knock again, and Greg's hands shook so hard that it was all he could do to keep his grip on the phone. "Nick. What…what are you doing here?"

~

This was either the smartest or the dumbest thing Nick had ever done. Right now it was still a toss-up, and when the door opened and he found himself face to face with Greg he had to swallow against a fresh rush of panic. Greg looked just as shocked as Nick expected him to be, but he didn't look mad, and that was a start. "Can I come in?"

Greg nodded and stepped aside, pulling the door open wide and waiting for Nick to brush past him before he shut it again. And he'd never wanted to push someone up against the door and kiss him so much in his life, but he knew if he wanted a chance to fix this he had to do it right. That meant taking it slow, making Greg hear him out and hoping that when he was done Greg wouldn't kick him out again.

He'd been trying to convince himself that wasn't going to happen since he left Vegas, but there was still a small part of him that was terrified he'd misread the whole situation. He wasn't any good at this kind of thing – he'd spent so many years putting his career above everything else that he wasn't sure he remembered how to put a relationship first. Just showing up at Greg's place was probably the worst thing he could have done, especially after the way they left things. Maybe he should have called, told Greg exactly how much he wanted this and let Greg decide if he was willing to try again.

But it was too late now, because he was standing in Greg's living room and Greg was looking at him like he was waiting for Nick to disappear into thin air. "Who's Steve?"

"What?"

"When you opened the door you called me Steve."

"Oh. He's nobody. Just a friend," Greg answered. "He…uh, he was trying to set me up with this guy. I thought he was here to try to convince me to change my mind."

And he didn't have a right to be jealous, but it was impossible to ignore the heat rising up his neck at the thought of Greg and some other guy. "What guy?"

"Nick. What are you doing here?"

He took a deep breath and told himself it didn't matter what Greg had been doing for the past few weeks – what mattered was what Nick was about to say, and whether or not Greg would kick him out when he was done. "I've got an interview with the L.A. crime lab."

For a second Greg just looked at him like Nick was speaking a foreign language. He'd expected surprise, maybe a little confusion, so he told himself to be patient and wait out the shock. A few seconds ticked by, then a few more, and he was starting to wonder just how long this kind of shock was supposed to last when Greg finally spoke again.

"Wait…what?"

And okay, he'd expected that too, so he took a deep breath and launched into the speech he'd planned so carefully on the plane ride from Vegas. "I meant it when I said I'd do whatever it takes. I thought you knew that. I know I pushed you to come back to Vegas, but...look, am I wasting my time here?"

Suddenly he wished he'd called first, because three weeks was a long time. But Greg had said himself he wasn't ready to date again – sort of, anyway – and Nick wanted that to mean that he still wanted Nick. It was hard to tell from Greg's impassive stare what he was thinking, but when his hand twitched and he dropped the cordless phone he'd been holding Nick was moving before he realized what he was doing.

"Jesus, Greg," he murmured, catching Greg's hand in his and threading their fingers together. For a second Greg gripped his hand hard, then he shook his head, but he didn't try to pull away.

"I'm fine. It's stress-related, supposedly. It was better for awhile."

Nick knew what Greg wasn't saying – he thought he did, anyway. When things were good between them, when Greg was settling into his new life and Nick wasn't pressuring him to make more changes he'd started to get better. But Nick kept pushing, and finally he pushed just a little too hard. He felt like he should apologize, like maybe he should be telling Greg he was sorry for ever calling him in the first place. He'd spent the past three weeks telling himself it wasn't too late, and until now he'd almost believed it.

"I'm sorry. If I'd known…" But he should have known – he was trained to notice these things, and he should have seen the clues that were right in front of him. He didn't want to let go of Greg, not now and maybe not ever, but when Greg tugged at his hand Nick reluctantly released his grip.

"You'd really leave Vegas?" Greg asked, and when Nick heard the uncertainty in his voice he couldn't help hoping it meant what he thought it did.

"Yeah," Nick answered, his hands curled into fists to keep himself from reaching out again. "Anything, G. It's just a job."

A laugh escaped Greg's throat at that, high and a little startled. "Now there's something I bet nobody ever expected to hear you say."

Nick grinned, but the truth was that it really was just a job. Just like being a cop had been just a job – one he loved, but he'd given it up to make his father happy. He could give up Clark County – he could give up anything Greg asked him to – because Greg made him happy, and that was more important than any job. "If L.A. County hires me I'll be doing the same job, just in a different place."

"So you're saying…"

And he would have laughed at the fact that Greg was going to make him spell it out, but Greg's smile was gone and he looked almost nervous about the answer. "I'm saying what I should have said a month ago. If you want to stay in California I'll sell my house and move out here, I'll get an apartment and we can take it slow if you want – whatever, I just want this to work."

Until he said it out loud it didn't really hit him what he was offering, but as terrifying as it was to hand over his entire future, it was worth it if it meant a second chance. He'd never wanted anything – anyone – so much, and if it meant starting over in a new city that's what he'd do. He opened his mouth to tell Greg that, to lay all his cards on the table for the first time in his life, but before he got the words out Greg was moving forward, hands on his chest and a familiar mouth pressed against his.

Nick's lips parted automatically, tasting beer and mint and Greg for the first time in way too long. He swallowed against the tightness in his chest and wrapped his arms around Greg's waist, pulling him as close as he could get. When they parted again Nick's hands were under Greg's shirt, pressed flat against warm skin and moving in slow circles on Greg's back. He felt the scars under his fingers, the tiny shudders that ran through Greg's body when Nick touched each one in turn.

"When's your interview?"

"Tomorrow," Nick answered. "It's not a sure thing, but Grissom knows a guy in the L.A. office. And if this one doesn't work out…"

That was as far as he got before Greg was kissing him again, but Nick decided that the details could wait until later. When Greg murmured 'love you' against his mouth Nick stopped thinking at all, hands pushing Greg's shirt up his back as he pulled Greg in the direction of the bedroom. There would be plenty of time for talking later – he didn't have to be back in Vegas until Saturday night, and once his interview was over he was planning to spend the next two days showing Greg exactly how much he'd missed him.

~

Greg pulled up in front of the one-story house, shielding his eyes against the sun as he turned off the car and got out. It was hard to believe that it was actually theirs – that he was a homeowner – but he'd listened to Nick's speeches about equity and investment property and pouring rent money down the drain so much that he finally gave in just to shut Nick up.

He wasn't sorry, because he would have lived in a tent if Nick asked him to, but he liked this house. He liked that it was theirs, with both their names on the mortgage in official-looking black ink. It was a commitment, and even though Greg didn't really need a piece of paper to convince himself that they were both serious, it still felt good to know it was there. He'd told Nick that once when Nick caught him staring at their copy of the mortgage papers, and the fact that Nick hadn't laughed at him made Greg fall in love all over again.

It seemed like he did that a lot – definitely more than he'd ever admit – and when he walked into the house and found Nick standing in the middle of the living room wearing a tool belt his heart actually stopped.

They'd gotten the house cheap because 'it needed TLC', according to the realtor, but until they actually moved in Greg had no idea that Nick really knew how to do any of this stuff. Like the French doors he was installing to separate the living room from the dining area – he spent a lot of time talking about investments and resale value, but Greg had a feeling that Nick didn't have any more intention of ever budging from this house than Greg did. They were both commuting again in L.A. traffic, but it was worth it to come home to a quiet neighborhood in the hills where their neighbors weren't right on top of them.

"Hey," Nick said when he glanced up to find Greg watching him. "Come here for a second and give me a hand."

Greg dropped his backpack on the floor and crossed the room, holding the door in place while Nick secured the hinges to the wall. He had to keep his eyes on the floor so he wouldn't stare at Nick's arms and forget what he was supposed to be doing – they didn't have time for that right now anyway, because they were supposed to be at his parents' house in just a little over an hour.

When Nick was done Greg let go of the door and let Nick pull him close, kissing him slowly before he reluctantly pulled away. "We've gotta get going if we don't want to be late."

The last thing he wanted to do was stop kissing Nick – what he really wanted to do was start with the tool belt and slowly peel off everything Nick was wearing, but he knew if they blew off his parents' anniversary party he'd never hear the end of it.

"In a minute," Nick answered, his mouth trailing along Greg's jaw to the spot just under his ear that he knew drove Greg crazy. And he was playing dirty, but Greg fell for it anyway, letting out a low moan and tilting his head to give Nick better access.

"Nick…" He summoned up the last of his resolve and flattened his hands against Nick's chest, pushing just hard enough to slip out of his grip. "That's so not fair."

Nick just grinned, but he let Greg retreat to a safer distance. "You didn't say what you thought of the door."

"It looks great," Greg answered, his eyes never leaving Nick and his tool belt. If Nick noticed he didn't complain – instead he reached down to unbuckle the leather belt, and Greg swallowed hard as he slid it off his hips.

"You want a shower before we go?"

It took him a few seconds to remember what Nick was talking about, but when he finally did he flushed and looked up again. "Depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you're coming with me."

Nick grinned and set his tool belt down, crossing the wooden floor he'd made Greg help him refinish and sliding his arms around Greg's waist. "I thought you said we didn't have time."

Greg shrugged and closed a hand around the front of Nick's shirt to tug him toward the master bedroom. "So we'll be a little late. My parents will understand."

Fin

But if you want more... there is an additon to this universe: Yesterday's Notions